My Gene Key 22 Story
Submitted by: Linda Lee
*I have Gene Key 22 in the sphere of my Purpose. For this post, I will weave my story in between relevant quotes taken directly from Richard Rudd on GK 22.
“The 22nd shadow is one of the most powerful emotional Shadow gene Keys in the human genome. It is highly passionate and sexual with a huge emotional range encompassing extreme highs of sweetness and extreme lows of violence.”
One of my parents is an alcoholic. As a child, I experienced the rage and despair of this parent on an almost daily basis. As a child with an open Solar Plexus center, these strong and scary emotions were too much for me to handle or understand. Every time this parent was drunk they could become out of control. After experiencing first-hand how painful strong emotions can be when used to shame or blame another, I repressed my shadow of dishonor – I was determined to NEVER be anything like this parent. I would never lose my shit and scream at someone else.
“The fear of the 22nd shadow is the fear of losing control.”
This was the beginning of my suppressing any and all emotions – of always appearing calm and collected on the outside regardless of what my internal emotional state was. I repressed this parent and they became one of my subpersonalities – the part of me that wished they could tell everyone to fuck off, the part of me that had no patience for anyone or anything else. This parent was a monster, and this monster was a part of me – a part that I buried deep down where it could not hurt anyone, the way that this parent had hurt me.
“The 22nd Gene Key is about the Truth of redemption. To those of a strong intellectual bias it will inevitably seem fantastic or romantic since it concerns the direct intervention of the Divine in the ordinary world.”
Eventually, after many years of suppressing my emotions I could no longer feel any emotion, be it “positive” or “negative”. By the age of 16 I was in a major depressive state, which lasted for 2 years. At the age of 18, after years of wishing to no longer be alive, I was saved by the touch of divine grace. One morning I woke up, and out of the blue, felt the first emotion I had felt in many years. That emotion was love for every human being on earth. After this experience my depression lifted, and I became interested in God.
“But to subdue any state or feeling is to dishonour and distrust that feeling….one of the tricks of the 22nd shadow is to con you into trying to change or fix your moods, rather than allowing them to simply pass through your system naturally. The fact is that you cannot reach higher states of consciousness without first passing through your own suffering.”
I now had access to my emotional body again, but it would be another decade or so before I learned how to take responsibility for my own feelings. It was during my 1st Saturn return, while reading Eckhart Tolle’s, New Earth, that I came to understand that I was not a victim of anyone else and how they made me feel. By going through many episodes or emotional turmoil, I learned to stop giving my power away. I learned that I had a choice about how to view and look at my own internal states. But still being in the shadow state of dishonour, I used spiritual egoism to shield me from the experience of emotions as they arose within me. I was too “enlightened” to let other people’s actions affect me. I used rationalization to deal with ill or inappropriate treatment from others. This kept my emotional body safe – unable to be affected by the actions or words of anyone. But I could not remain in the state of dishonouring my feelings forever.
“This profound awareness of Karma means that a great deal of your work in life will lie in the sphere of relationships and the emotions.”
At the age of 35, I came down with a mystery illness that would force me to go deeply within myself. For me, this was, and could only be accomplished through a coinciding spiritual awakening. During this awakening fears surrounding my past-life death surfaced within my body. These fears surfaced over and over again, and acted as a form of torture that brought me to my knees- praying to the angels for either help, or deliverance from life itself. It was this experience that forced me into feeling. This torture was in fact activating my North Node energies of Cancer (emotions) and Libra/7th house (relationships). In these moments of intense fear all I wanted was for someone to hold me and make me feel safe. It was then that I learned about how dependent I actually was on other people to meet my emotional needs. After this catalyzing experience, the floodgates were opened, and for the first time in my life I was now taking responsibility for my emotions and feeling them as well.
“With the gift of graciousness, you begin to disperse your own Karma and that of your ancestral DNA.”
It was only recently that I found the courage to share my true feelings with another. This person was my husband, and I made sure to have our daughters witness my sharing. It was very scary; I could feel this sick, heavy feeling come over my whole body. Regardless, I pushed through the fear and I calmly told my husband how his actions the day prior had made me feel. I didn’t become upset or blame him for my feelings. I took complete responsibility for the emotions that arose within me. I was so proud of myself at that moment – I knew that I had just begun the process of undoing many generations worth of unhealthy relatedness patterning. It was now safe to let my inner monster out because I knew I had tamed her and she would not hurt anyone with her own anger, sadness, or fear.
“…the prime teaching of the Venus Sequence concerns showing another human being, through relationship, how to take responsibility for their own feelings instead of projecting them onto others. This ability is the very essence of the 22nd Gift of Graciousness…”
Since taking that initial first step, I have created a weekly circle in my home, where I practice modeling my emotions in a healthy and responsible way, so that my husband and children can benefit from this gift I now hold.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve read much on this gate/gene key but hearing your words from personal experience made all the difference. I also have this key but is in my core/vocation. I am 35 and have been going through a mystery illness that has also brought the pure fear of death into my life to the point nothing else matters. It’s uncanny hearing your words and they have given me comfort and inspiration. Thank you.
I have an issue with feelings. Born march 8th I have gene key 22 as life’s work (still beginning on this journey and not very sure of understanding most parts).Looking back on it I try to identify the origin of all this. As a kid I almost felt ashamed of the feminine inside me. I wanted to distance myself from what I believed then was feminine, thinking it was week, vulnerable,”too emotional” and I seeked to be and be seen as strong both physical and emotionally (meaning i would not show emotions such as sadness or even love). When I… Read more »
This was incredibly helpful to read! I relate. Thank you.
I was ALSO born on March 8th (1984 to be precise) and have 22 as my Life’s Work. I am a straight male but have always had a “softer/more sensitive energy” to me for what that is worth. I feel VERY unique in having that sensitive energy or I may be internally labeling as more “feminine” at least in my head.
Sending you love on your journey as your explore the lessons in your life Paula!
Similar here, Ryan. I was born on 12th March so have 22.6 as my LW. I am 41 now and after years of self abandonment and low self esteem (I felt so ashamed of feeling sensitive and evrn having large yes with long eye lashes as a child) I’m reconnecting with my poetic and artistic soul and massive breakthrough for me has been feeling my emotions and spending plenty of time alone. Lots of love brother. Beautiful post and conversations in the comments.
That’s awesome. Another March 8 baby! Love it!
Aww I wish you so much healing on your journey! I have the 22 in my attraction sphere so not life’s work but I also have struggled with femininity. I hated the color pink, I wanted to be a Tom boy. But I have since changed and now I love pink but not in the weird way of the world where it’s just all girly and weak. I think pink is a magical color, as is fem energy. This world has not made much room for the feminine to exist, we are not allowed to take time out when our… Read more »
My birthday is also March 8 (1963) and I have 22 as my life’s work. I wanted to say that I found your words to be inspiring and beautiful, Paula. I’ll be 60 this coming March 8 and I’m finally beginning to understand how someone who never wanted to be a mother could have such a strong pull towards Motherhood in the divine and global sense. I’m learning so much and it’s never too late!
I thank you for sharing. I am a March 8 baby too. 22nd gene key is my life’s work. You are very brave and strong to notice these things within you and so open to explore what’s been repressed. I wonder how you’re doing now as I am reading this a year later. 🙏🏽✨
This is beautiful! I have Gate 22 in my Human Design chart, including my conscious sun/”Life’s Work” in Gene Keys. I searched Gate 22 to see if there was a community to help me continue to ponder what Grace and Graciousness truly mean and this descriptions helps. It is VERY ironic you mention letting go of control as just a few days ago, I was given a Psychic reading that says my big challenge in dating AND my business is to give up control–let things flow. So this seems like a divine guidance to come to this site for me.… Read more »
Hi Ryan! Did you ever find or create a Gene Key 22 community? I’d love to be apart of it!
Let me know too
I too have 22 as my sun, march 7, and my unconscious benus. My partner has it in his mars. It’s beautiful. I have never wrestled with control but was born the youngest in a large family, so i suppose I never had any control until I was a teenager. I would love to have a group chat.
Mother oossesed/schizo, Fathet=people pleaser victim. 35 yeats meditating & healing mysrlf & othrts for now, my son to be going through a massivehealth issue. Nothing I, or anyone can ‘fix’, intuit hes reliving a past life drowning. Its traumatic for famiky, but at age 12 hes turned away from spirituality, is an Aetheist. He wont help himsrlf, energetically or spiritually. Im having to ‘Let go & Ley God’, its tough though, as I waited a looong time to meet right man to bring this special child into this world.